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LIVE COMEDY SHOWS!

TWO FUNNY PHILLY GUYS starring me and Joe Conklin is returning to the Northeast Philly JCC on Saturday night, November 1st. To get your tickets, which I recommend you do right away, call Andy Newman at 215 698 7300, Ext. 146. or order online at Anewman@phillyjcc.com. Do not miss this show!

TRIVIA APPEARANCES!

I'll be at PJ Whelihan's in Blue Bell for my fifth big year whenever there is a Sunday Eagles game and I'm there at Sundays at 4:00 PM whenever the Eagles have a bye or play on Monday night.

And then every Monday night for the rest of the season, I'm heading down to Club Risque on the Delaware for my fifth big year of Monday Night Football. Except, here you don't win a shirt or a hat, you win a free couch dance. (No, not from me, stupid!) Come on out!

And... I'll have copies of THE GREAT BOOK OF PHILADELPHIA SPORTS LIST and the book about my Dad, LAST CALL, with me.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN THAT NEVER SLEEPS... 10/05

Imagine a win this big with Burrell & Blanton the heroes. Goes to show you never can tell. Dodgers will throw nothing but right handers, so the Phils are heading to the World Series!

I have no idea what to tell you regarding Reid except I TOLD YOU SO...

Does anyone out there really believe that either one of these candidates can provide change? Listen to the campaign speeches in TAXI DRIVER, which was released in '76 by the way, and you will here the same EXACT bullshit rhetoric you hear today. Pathetic...

Buck & Aikmen stink...

Every time a big band singer of merit dies, I feel compelled to pay tribute. Connie Haines dead at the age of 87. Sang with Dorsey & Sinatra. . . . .

The 24 Rock song list was so popular (click here for the list), I decided to see if I couldn't do the same for movies. One for every week. I'm going to go through my own collection and start in alphabetical order. All movies must be at least 5 years old to pass my standard passage of time. Please send your suggestions. REMEMBER, none of the flicks below are definites yet, just under consideration.

A

• AIRPLANE... If you sit and and watch this with a clicker and click for every laugh, I swear it has more yuks per minute than any comedy ever made. It's the beginning of the incredibly underrated careers of Abraham, Zucker & Zucker, plus Leslie Neilson, who has, since this flick, become an American comedy treasure. AND DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY!
• ALIENS... Might be the greatest action/adventure flick ever. Weaver is totally believable, Paxson portrays a total wimp that you never see in these type of movies, and the alien itself is hands down THE MOST REALISTIC, SCARIEST MONSTER EVER.
• ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN... What a taut, exciting, suspenseful thriller considering there's not an ounce of violence (or even a threat of it in the entire flick. Obviously, Redford & Hoffman are well cast, but what a supporting lineup!  Robards, Warden, Crouse, Alexander, Holbrook, Beatty.
• AMERICAN GRAFFITI... Watch this coming of age classic and you wish Lucas had never thought of STAR WARS. Not that I don't like the original, but GRAFFITI is so . . . . human! As fun as Howard became as a director, we forget what an ease he had as an actor. And I don't know if Dreyfuss was ever any better than this and I dig him in everything he does.
• ANGEL HEART... Doubt if this will make the Final 52, but I am such a Mickey Rourke fan that I have watched this countless times. Directed by the underrated Alan Parker, with a great score, this is as good as any occult film ever made, except for maybe . . . . uh . . . one. And more on that film later.
• ANIMAL HOUSE... Often I sit on the beach and listen to parents bitch about the behavior of their kids, I wait a few minutes and then switch the topic to ANIMAL HOUSE. Within seconds everyone is discussing their favorite moments. Why do some people conveniently forget that they pretty much did all the crazy crap (granted, sometimes dangerous) that they are bitching that their kids do? This movie so captures a time in my life (And I didn't even go to college, my ANIMAL HOUSE days were spent in Jersey shore rentals), that it actually makes me wistful while I'm laughing. Anyone who wouldn't want to be this age again IS A LIAR! FOOD FIGHT!
• ANNIE HALL... Because of Allen's recent weird moral judgments in his own life, it is now difficult to view HALL without seeing how hypocritical he was the entire time, so it kind of ruins it now for me. But make no mistake about it, it was groundbreaking at the time, it still has a ton of classic jokes, and that unforgettable moment from Christopher Walken.
• THE APARTMENT... Big Jack Lemmon, Shirley Maclaine, and Billy Wilder fan, so how can you go wrong with this classic American romantic comedy? It's also got a subtle dark side which gives it a deeper edge.
• APOCALYPSE NOW... Although, they should have sent the totally under prepared Brando home the second he showed up on the set at that weight (What the hell, they had already replaced Keitel with Sheen), it's still a magnificent, compelling, psychedelic story and according to many Vietnam vets I have spoken to over the years, it really nails it. Duvall's raid on the village is one of the most startling pieces of film EVER.
• APOLLO 13... Heroic, inspirational, educational, AND FUN! Fantastic cast. When Ed Harris (who's the director of the mission) overhears some NASA PR dweeb talking to another dweeb about how they were going to spin the failure of the mission to get to the moon, Ed Harris turns to them and says "I beg to differ, sir, but I believe this is our finest hour." Because those astronauts had every right to be dead.

B

• THE BAD NEWS BEARS (The ORIGINAL of Course)... Whoever thought anyone could make a realistic movie about little league baseball and still be funny? It's all here, particularly the crummy parents and coaches. Matthau, at his absolute prime, and a brilliant script from the son of Burt Lancaster, Bill, who married the daughter of Ernie Kovacs. Talk about bloodlines. Completely and joyfully politically incorrect.
• BLAZING SADDLES... The Godfather of all parody movies, it is Mel's classic. I can still, to this day, recite entire passages. Ya gotta love a comedy that doesn't have one redeeming quality. And what a theme song!
• BLUE VELVET... I'm not a good enough writer to accurately describe the importance of this flick. Weirder than weird, funny, scary, completely unique, it influenced an entire generation of filmmakers.  Absolutely not for everyone. Hopper called Lynch in the middle of the night after he had read the script (Lynch didn't even send him one) and said, "you don't understand, I AM Frank Booth!" Lynch was scared NOT to give him the role. PABST BLUE RIBBON!
• BODY HEAT... Did you know that before their first incredibly hot nude scene that Turner & Hurt went and introduced themselves to the crew totally naked? Just to break the ice. Break it? It was positively melting! An updating of DOUBLE INDEMNITY that really works. Look for a small, but memorable bit, from my main man, Mickey Rourke.
• BOUND... Why I must admit the lesbian angle adds an awful lot, the fact is, BOUND is a terrific thriller with many an unexpected plot twist with an over the top performance from the always good Joey Pants. Let's face it, sex is a major part of the movie biz and always will be, and it doesn't get much sexier than Gershon (who has the strangest career ever) & Tilly.
• THE BOURNE IDENTITY... At the moment, the youngest movie being considered. (Remember, each movie has to be at least five years old) Exciting, thought provoking, sad, suspenseful, and, this is important to me with an espionage thriller, not an ounce of humor. I would have never thought of casting Damon and he's perfect. And as much as I love the next two, IDENTITY gets the nod because of Franka Potente's character, which, unfortunately, gets killed off at the very beginning of SUPREMECY. How these movies get ignored at Oscar time is a travesty and is a real indicator how the Academy Awards have lost touch.
• BOYZ IN THE HOOD... What a tremendous cast. Great coming of age story, except what's at stake here isn't your virginity or your choice of college, it's your LIFE. Gooding Jr. gets out of the car at the end of the flick because he actually had a Dad (Fishburne) that had drilled sense into him.
• BREAKING AWAY... Hilarious, heartbreaking, exhilarating, a perfect coming of age film about four young guys who didn't go to college living in a college town. Underrated ensemble piece. REFUND? REFUND!
• BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI... One of the first movies I remember seeing in the theater and damn if that bridge going down isn't as exciting to see today as it was then. A bit too long, and absolutely WAY too British (but I guess that's the point, eh?), but a real work of art with tremendous performances from Holden and Guinness.

C

• CADDYSHACK... I was fortunate to end up at this Comedy Writing seminar at the Tribecca film Festival a few years ago where the legendary Harold Ramis was speaking. (Go ahead and google Ramis and tell me he is not the unsung Comic Genius of the last 30 years.) Anyway, Ramis tells this story at the seminar. Although he had written ANIMAL HOUSE, STRIPES, MEATBALLS, he had never directed before. And Rodney had never been in a movie before. Come the first day of shooting and Ramis and Dangerfield and the rest of the cast and crew are sitting around having no idea how to get the movie started. No one's saying anything. And all of a sudden Rodney goes, "you know what is the worst thing about oral sex? . . . . . . the view." Everyone breaks up and off they go to make one of the ten greatest comedies of all time.
• CASABLANCA... So far, the oldest flick on this list ('42), and the only B&W. I could write endlessly of the perfection of this wartime flick, but in the end, the whole damn thing knocks you out because at it's core it's the timeless tale of a tough guy who's had his heart ripped out by a beautiful woman. Bogart of all people!
• CHINATOWN... When you have Nicholson, Polanski, Towne, Goldsmith, Dunaway and Huston all at their very best, how can you not end up with possibly the greatest detective thriller ever made? 
• CHRISTMAS STORY... "You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" I had already read every word that the late, great Jean Shepherd had ever written, so I was thrilled they not only didn't blow this one, they created a classic for all times.
• CITIZEN KANE... Look, it is NOT the greatest movie ever made, OK?  However, the concept of having everything, yet having nothing at all, has never been portrayed better. Much has been made of the ahead of it's time cinematography by Gregg Toland and the direction and screenplay by Welles, but it's his performance as Kane that really makes this flick.
• THE COMMITMENTS... Too many years ago that I care to remember, I was a "drummer" in a rock band. (I use that drummer word with all apologies to Bonham, Moon, Grohl) In fact, the legendary Spins Nitely was the star of the band. We were five grubby, Southwest Philly neighborhood kids who had never been in a band before. I think in the three years I was in that band, we made $17. Did that stop us from having the time of our lives? I think NOT! This flick COMPLETELY captures the unmitigated joy of making music, being in a band, felling like a God for five minutes. A real diamond from Alan parker, an underrated director. By the way, talk about full circle, I ended up opening for the Commitments at the Keswick Theatre a couple years ago.
• THE CONVERSATION... Dark, moody, paranoiac, slow, brilliant, but not for everyone. Maybe Hackman's best performance ever (and that's saying a lot) and another classic flick from John Cazale who only made five films before he tragically passed away from cancer at 42. All five were nominated for Best Picture and four of them will end up being nominated for my 52.

D

• A DAY AT THE RACES... Released in 1937, it's at the moment, the oldest movie being nominated. Great bits, music and the legendary Dr. Hugo Hackenbush! Was there ever a more unique entertainer than Harpo? Tough call when I say this, but it's my fav Marx Brothers movie ever.
• DEAD ZONE... Won't make the 52, but this is my favorite Walken performance ever. I have watched it countless times. Is the only romantic lead that Walken is ever given? And this isn't saying much, but not only is it the best film adaptation of a King novel, it's actually BETTER than the book. THE ICE IS GOING TO BREAK!
• DINER... What a cast and what a film debut from Barry Levinson.
• DOG DAY AFTERNOON... Pacino's first film after GODFATHER II and this one really pushed him over the top. A gay bank robber? Who knew? It's also the first time I noticed Charles Durning who's still going strong AT 85 as Denis Leary's Father in RESCUE ME. Another one of the five films that John Cazale made. WYOMING?
• DO THE RIGHT THING... Geez, the OPENING CREDITS might be the best ever. Tremendous cast, screenplay, cinematography, soundtrack. I saw it in the theatre on opening night and it was TENSE. Spike Lee's best.

E

• E.T. ... Here's the problem with ET. When it came out, I was as swept up by it as anybody. When that bike lifts in the air, well, what kid hasn't dreamed of that? Perfect storytelling. Stunning score. However, it's still basically a kid's flick and I'm just not sure that, as terrific as it is, that a kid's flick will make the 52. Maybe that's a separate list, I don't know. It's not like it isn't a classic. Stay tuned.
• THE EXORCIST... Plays what is a ridiculous concept completely straight and the end result might be the single scariest film of all time. Cool move making the Mother of the possessed child a real bitch. A real event when originally released and it still holds up magnificently.

F

• FAIL SAFE... Got screwed over because Kubrick made Columbia release the vastly inferior (is there an unfunnier dude than Peter Sellers?) STRANGELOVE before this cold war classic and the public ignored it at the time. Moviegoers now see it as the tense gem that it is. Great cast headed by Fonda, Larry Hagman (yes, THAT Larry Hagman), Ed Binns, and a nasty Walter Matthau, back when he took such heavy roles. One of the most unforgettable endings of all time.
• FARGO... Of course it's brilliant and funny and wild, but what I will always respect the most about FARGO is the fact that the first thing the film tells you is that "it's based on a true story" and it wasn't! They just said it for the hell of it. There's no one quirkier that the Coen Brothers. They miss more often then connect, but when they hit their mark, you end up with unique flicks like this. And the performance of Macy might be the most uncomfortable character ever. Almost unwatchable he is, he's that great.
• FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH... Sean Penn's greatest performance ever, Mr. Hand, Phoebe Cates ripping off that red bikini top, Jennifer Jason's Leigh's amazing, gutsy performance, a terrific soundtrack, a terrific cast, it's got it all. Who doesn't love this film?
• FRENCH CONNECTION... Amazing car chase, an Oscar winning performance from Hackman, New York at it's grittiest, a completely unique and never talked about score by Don Ellis, with the entire flick played for real, unlike so many cop thrillers today that are laced with idiotic jokes.

G

• GET SHORTY... A rarity where I love the Elmore Leonard book and the movie was every bit as good. Funny, sexy, it's as good as any movie about making movies ever written. Is Dennis Farina always hilarious or what?
• THE GODFATHER... If I looked at my collection of movies and asked myself "which of these movies have I watched the most?", this would be it. Much has been written about how Coppola ultimately ended up glorifying these people, but whatever . . . .It's THE GODFATHER!
• GODFATHER II... Let's get this straight, it is not better than GODFATHER 1 as my former colleague Steve Fredericks and I used to argue about. In fact, the scenes in Cuba severely slow it down, so it's not even close to GODFATHER 1, but make no mistake about it, it's still a pretty damn great film. DeNiro. Cazale, and Pacino are excellent as usual, but Michael Gazzo as "Frankie Five Angels” and the late, great Bruno Kirby as a young Clemenza really steal the show.
• GOLDFINGER... Yeah, I know it's a silly film, but when i was a kid I wanted to be James Bond more than anyone else in the world! Won't make the 52, but I had to mention it because besides being a hell of a lot of fun, it's, seriously, one of the most influential films ever. That whole bit that our film heroes do when they toss off a humorous line after a killing comes from Bond. "Shocking!" says James after he kills the bad guy by flipping an electric fan into the tub. Even the Bourne series has to tip it's hat to it's usage of exotic locales to the Bond series. And it's not like I'm some Bond freak, GOLDFINGER is the only Bond film I own. Oh, did I forget to mention the incredible title song!
• GOODFELLAS... Cool that, alphabetically speaking, it immediately follows THE GODFATHER'S, since the two are polar opposite mob films.  So dynamic and exciting that Scorsese himself ripped it off with inferior carbon copies with CASINO and THE DEPARTED. Fantastic score and mark this down as the first film ever where when Deniro was on the screen, I was watching someone else. Of course that someone else was Joe Pesci who wins the only Oscar that film garners. "HOW THE FUCK AM I FUNNY!?" In fact, the F-bomb is dropped 236 times, over half of them by Pesci.
• THE GRADUATE... Still hard to believe they got away with this storyline in '67. Sometimes i think the real story of this flick is the fact that Hoffman only got the role after Warren Beatty and Redford passed. And either one of those guys would have made it a completely different film. Did you know Anne Bancroft was only six years older that Hoffman? Great supporting cast (my man Murray Hamilton!) and that legendary S&G score.
• GROUNDHOG DAY...A perfect romantic comedy with more of a darker edge than usual. Which is why Murray got the part to begin with. Harold Ramis considered Hanks, Travolta, among others, for the part, but decided against them because they were "too nice." Supposedly, Murray and Ramis argued so much during the filming, they have never talked since. I GOT YOU, BABE!

H

• HALLOWEEN... Saw it in NY on Christmas Day in '78 (long story) in the only theatre it was playing in the country.  Big surprise the theatre was practically empty, which only made it that much scarier. What makes it all work is that at no point in the film do any of these teenagers even know there is a killer in town. Because of this, there's no "what the $#@! is she going down the steps for" scenes. And of course, no horror film is worth it's weight in scares without a terrifying soundtrack.
• HANNAH AND HER SISTERS... Although there's some good ones here and there, this is the last truly great Allen film with him actually in it. And a happy ending!
• HEAVEN CAN WAIT... Since the original film centered around boxing (HERE COMES MR. JORDAN), Warren Beatty was originally just gonna direct and produce this remake and it was gonna star Muhammed Ali! Ali turned it down, so Beatty quickly changed the sport to football and starred himself. What a great cast. Grodin and Cannon alone are worth the ticket.
• HOOSIERS... Yeah, ordinarily I'm not that big on the midwest with cornfields and all that, but what can I tell you? I'm a hoops junkie and Ii have watched it countless times. The satin uni's, the black sneaks, the small gyms, it all works. As great as Hopper is as Frank Booth, THIS might be his best and most understated work. Brilliant score from a hero of mine, Jerry Goldsmith. And the romance between Hackman and Hershey doesn't get in the way, unlike the ridiculous Amy Madigan in FIELD OF DREAMS.

I

• ITS A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD... The Big W!!! Was the first movie I ever saw on the Wildwood boardwalk(The Strand!). Is it the only comedy ever to have an intermission. Seems like every great comic ever appeared in it, but here's a few of my particular favorites. Winters, Silvers, Falk, Ceasar, Adams, Shawn, Durante, Fell, Ford, and a million others. Great Gold soundtrack also. Anyone know where I can get the movie poster of it?
• IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE... We take it for granted, don't we? What a unique idea and a much darker film than people realize. Ah, the love of a son for his father, that's the root of the whole film and that aspect of it is often ignored.

J

• JAWS... The greatest action adventure movie ever made. Period. Saw it on the Ocean City boardwalk when it was originally released. Can you think of a better venue? JAWS was also the last movie (not counting special one-off "concert" films) to ever play the Tower. The TLA attempted to run a special summer series there and it was a disaster.  So much so, that one summer afternoon, me, my brother and his wife were the ONLY ones in the 5000 seat theatre! I used to ride waves drunk in the ocean at night, but after this movie I never went in the ocean at night again. AND THAT'S A FACT. Someday I'm gonna buy the Mayor's (Played by the always great Murray Hamilton) blazer, the light blue one with the little anchor's on it.

K

• KILL BILL VOL. 1...Of course, it's stupid. This movie makes you think there's some Hit Men Local 98. And sometimes I feel a little bit guilty blowing the violence off as "cartoonish." BUT IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN! (By the way, "Kill Bill Vol. 2 blows!)
• KING KONG... If you've been keeping score, THIS 1933 flick is now the oldest to be nominated and the fact that it's a monster movie is even more impressive. Totally kicks ass on any of the remakes. 

RAVINGS FROM A MAN THAT NEVER SLEEPS... 09/30

Look, when the ball is kicked off, I root for the birds. I'm just like you. It's in my blood. You just can't turn off decades of cheering. But I just can't take Reid. He makes it so difficult to root for a team I love so much. I still do, but geez....

Hope your watching ENTOURAGE and TRUE BLOOD. Great TV...

Brian Wilson's new one ("Lucky Old Sun") has about 6 really good songs on it, two great ones and one ("Southern California") that is so beautiful and introspective, you almost lose it listening to it. His voice is not quite there (He's 66 after all), but it all adds to the pathos of it all...

Happy Birthday to my Father-In -Law, Phil, a truly great man...

Thank God Scarlett Johnasson tied the knot. Now maybe I'll find stop getting those annoying late night texts from her...

Here's proof we live in an e-mail and text world, I've had two friends (Pete and Lil' Herman) die in the last three months and here's the weird thing. I never met either man. Because of this, their deaths have ripped me up even more...

Saw an ad where a woman brags about how much money she got for selling her gold wedding band from her first marriage. Why doesn't she sell the cock and balls she cut off him while she's at it, eh?

Of all the columns I have ever written, this has been the most . . . . . . . recent.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN THAT NEVER SLEEPS... 09/28

It was the single greatest defensive play in the history of the Phils franchise. Period...

Saw Randy Newman on Friday night. Still a genius, still hilarious....

Since everyone was talking about the great hot dog scare last week at Citizen's Bank, I thought I'd show you this photo I took a million years ago of the Oscar-Meyer Weiner-mobile. That's comedians Patton Oswald and Brian Whalen outside a barbecue joint in Virginia. There was no driver in it, so we can only assume he was in the restaurant eating.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN THAT NEVER SLEEPS... 09/24

Gonna be a great sports fall isn't it? The Birds look way better already than I thought they were gonna be. Still early, but I like, don't you?

LAKEVIEW TERRACE is sort of standard fare, but with a racial twist and a great performance from Samuel L. that transcends the material.  I love writing that, "transcends the material." Boy, tell me I'm not full of crap...

Bored with this season's TERMINATOR. . . . . . . .

RAVINGS FROM A MAN THAT NEVER SLEEPS... 09/15

There is just not enough fuss being made over Myers & Moyer(Sounds like a law firm). What they are doing is historic. Name me another 45 year old or a former top-line pitcher who gets sent to the minors who performs like this down the stretch? And after all the negative fuss surrounding Howard this season, he just might win the MVP...

Do not have a good feeling about the Dallas game tonight...

Had an awesome Italian dinner Saturday night with the Sheridans at Luciano's in Stone Harbor. Fantastic!

Have morphed into a giant Weezer fan...

Check out a really cool/bar restaurant named Gigi's at 3rd and Market. It's owned by a bunch of really nice Delaware county folk including Stephenie LaGrossa of the TV show "Survivor" fame. 

Saw PARENTING 101 at the Kimmel Center. Good clever parody laden musical. If you're looking for a show to buy for your wife as a present, this would be the one...

Saw a sign on a Jersey backroad that said "PRODUCE!" Geez, do I need this kind of pressure?

RAVINGS FROM A MAN THAT NEVER SLEEPS... 09/10

TV Talk... Really enjoyed episode 1 of ENTOURAGE. Didn't see the twist coming...

I’m sick of analysts bringing up McNabb being booed at the draft... Surprise! 

Dug episode 1 of TRUE BLOOD,  the new HBO vampire show. Sexy... Watched season 4 of THE OFFICE over the weekend. Truly one of the best shows ever... WEEDS, boring...

Two games on MNF is a bad idea...

Triumph, the insult comic dog's coverage of the RNC, the best! ...good night.

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