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COMEDY SHOWS!

lobsterloftHey! For the 4th straight year I'll be performing New Year's Eve Upstairs at the Lobster Loft in Sea Isle City NJ The show is at 8pm so you will still have time to go downstairs and party with a live band or go home and watch the ball drop.  Dinner and show packages available.  BIG NEWS! The legendary Spins Nitely is also on the bill. This will be packed, so get your tickets now! CLICK HERE!

 

2funnyforbdgTWO FUNNY PHILLY GUYS

TWO FUNNY PHILLY GUYS starring the amazing Joe Conklin and Big Daddy Graham is returning to Pitman's legendary Broadway Theatre on Saturday night, February 11th at 8pm.  (That's Valentine's Weekend, guys, if you're looking for a fun date).  This has sold out for nine straight years, so don't hesitate. Get your tickets by clicking here... and remember these tickets make a great holiday present!

 

 

 

 

 

throwdown thursBIG DADDY'S CLASSIC ROCK THROWDOWN

If you are a music lover and you haven't been listening to BIG DADDY'S CLASSIC ROCK THROWDOWN with Spins Nitely, then check it out!

Every THURSDAY at 8 PM. Listen live at http://wildfireradio.com/big-daddy-graham. By the way, all you have to do is click on that wildfire blue line and the most current show will AUTOMATICALLY begin to play,  Just give it a moment

This week on BIG DADDY'S CLASSIC ROCK THROWDOWN?

Best Christmas Songs Written After 1975
( Part 2)

Check out last week's  Best Christmas Songs Written After 1975 ( Part 1)
Don't miss!

avagrahamhoursm

 

Check out Ava's podcast THE AVA GRAHAM HOUR on Wildfire Radio live every Thursday at 5:30 PM.  It's really funny and of course being a podcast you can listen to it anytime you want.  Just click here to check it out

 

 

TRIVIA AND QUIZZO...

THURSDAY ~ Red Star Craft House in Exton PA at 8 PM

I’m back at PJ Whelihan’s in Blue Bell for EVERY EAGLES GAME! Fun questions during timeouts and a halftime quiz for great prizes!

AVA QUIZZO

My daughter Ava is running a Quizzo nite every every Monday at 7:30pm at ROCCO'S in Wilmington!   And now at CHICKIE & PETE'S in Drexel Hill every Tuesday at 7 PM! Plus every Wednesday night at 8PM at PJ WHELIHANS in Haddonfield. Don't forget Thursday night at 7pm at CHICKIE & PETE'S in South Philly! That's a busy schedule!

Big Daddy Graham-Marc Farzetta & Joe Conklin taking a stab at Sinatra's "Summer Wind!" Click Here

 

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"Remember, this is just the nomination process.  The movies you see below have been nominated and that's that.  This is NOT the final list.  I've also decided to exclude romantic comedies like (As much as I love it)  "Moonstruck."

ALPHABETICAL ORDER

A DAY AT THE RACES
AIRPLANE
ANCHORMAN
ANIMAL HOUSE
BLAZING SADDLES
BORAT
CADDYSHACK
DODGEBALL
DON’T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD
DUMB & DUMBER
GHOSTBUSTERS
HALFBAKED
THE HANGOVER
IT'S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD
FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
FRIDAY
THE JERK
MIDNIGHT RUN
NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION
RUTHLESS PEOPLE
SLAPSHOT
SOME LIKE IT HOT
SUPERBAD
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY
TED
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
THIS IS SPINAL TAP
TRADING PLACES
WAYNE’S WORLD
WEDDING CRASHERS
WHAT'S UP DOC

 


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kmiller@libertybellbank.com
NMLS #152270

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RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS...12/7

Here's my October article for the South Jersey Mag...

A REAL HALLOWEEN

I love Halloween.  For years I threw the best Halloween parties in my neighborhood.  My pals really got into it.  My cousin Freddie came dressed in full Pope regalia.  One year my buddy’s wife Donna came as a fully functioning refrigerator.  As the party went on, I drunkenly opened her fridge front door and actually rifled through it looking for something to eat just as I would have with my real icebox at home.  One year my Navy Yard co-worker Deuce came as a Christmas tree that plugged into an outlet and lit up.  It was a great costume until he realized that if he was going to drink beer all night that sooner or later he has going to have to use the John.  And he forgot to bring an extension cord! 
Horrifying costume?  No one has ever topped the year I dressed as an IRS agent.  I wore a lame costume most of the evening until I wanted everyone out of my house.  Then I came down my steps with my IRS badge and my guests ran for my door screaming in terror.
tunes logoSo what now?  Every year it becomes more and more difficult to come up with a clever costume.  But then I realized that this problem is much deeper than a wig and a mask.  It’s me that I want to change.
Look, I am one lucky dude.  As a standup I have worked with some of the biggest names in showbiz history like Ray Charles, Smokey Robinson, and B.B. King.  I have been a talk show host in my hometown for over twenty years.  Most radio and TV folk have to go from city to city before they settle in.  I get invited to show and restaurant openings.  In short, I’ve been really lucky and live a cool life. 
But the truth is most of my existence is a daily routine that doesn’t appear like it’s ever going to change.  Eat.  Shave.  Pay bills, fight traffic, try to lose weight, argue with my wife, watch TV, watch more TV.  As much as I will tell you that there is very little about my life that I would change, I want to change everything about it.  Here are some examples of what I’m talking about that might better explain what I’m trying to say.

JASON BOURNE

I have watched the first three Bourne films (the Matt Damon ones) countless times.  They have ruined my life.  I’ll be lying like a slob in my bed with a big bowl of cheese curls teetering on my chest watching Jason drive through the streets of Paris being chased by half the country’s police.  He’ll then big daddy dinerhop a train to Switzerland.  He’ll climb a completely flat wall of some building in Moscow while I’m noticing that I’ve stained my blanket with my orange cheese curl fingers.  And he does all this without ever using a gun.  He’s amazing.  I understand that dodging bullets and being brainwashed by the CIA might get scary and weary after a while, but I would just love just a couple months of living that lifestyle.  If I said to my wife that I was going to be Jason Bourne and that I would be out of the country and unreachable for a couple months, she would probably ask me to show her how to use the DVR before I split.  Look out Europe, here I come!  See what I’m talking about?  This is much more than simply donning a pirate hat.

SITTING ON A PORCH AND WAVING AT CARS 
Just so you realize there’s much more to me than just disarming nuclear missiles and such, I am also tempted to quit everything that I do, find a comfy outdoor rocking chair, and sit on my porch and wave at cars as they go by.  There used to be a dude on Rt 49 near Vineland on the way home from the shore and another hipster on Rt. 45 near the Heritage in Mullica Hill who did just that.  Sit on the porch and wave at cars.    Every day.  Year round.  I always waved back and beeped the horn.  Both of these heroes are gone now and have never been replaced.  It’s a lost art.  So there’s a void that needs to be filled.  I know it doesn’t sound all that exciting, but it would most definitely be a mystifying career change.  And mystery is my middle name.  One night I’d be running my talk show and the next night I’d be gone with the wind.  My shows at the Broadway Theatre in Pitman and other local venues would simply cease to exist.   No tweets.  No Facebook comments.  No article in this magazine.  Friends and fans would wonder where I disappeared to and then the story would slowly spread.
“He sits on his porch every day and waves at cars as they go by.”
“Huh?”
People would always know where to find me.  I would be a source of comfort.  I’d wear a bright orange hunters hat with the big earflaps.  Heck, I might even become really famous as my legend would spread.  (Which would kind of defeat the purpose) Fellow Americans would drive great distances just to say they waved at me.

See what I’m getting at here?  These are not costumes.  These are lifestyle changes.  I’m beginning to see what Caitlyn Jenner went through.  Minus the bra and lipstick.

447PMMARCH 5TH, 2015BECOMING A TRAPPIST MONK
When I was a kid I was fascinated with Trappist monks.  I was told that they worshipped their God and never talked because they took a vow of silence.  This really freaked me out since I grew up in a house where everyone was always screaming at the top of their lungs.  Again, this would lead to me ceasing all that I do and my wife would have to answer all calls with “I’m sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now, he’s praying.”  I even have a Trappist joke.
A man became a Trappist monk where he was only allowed to say two words every seven years.  After seven years he was called in to  Father Superior’s office where the Father asked the monk what two words did he have to say?
“Food cold”
Another seven years went by and his next two words were
 “Bed hard.”
Another seven years went by and his next two words were
“I quit.”
To which Father Superior replied
“Good.  All you ever did was complain.”

SAW MY WIFE IN HALF

Actually it’s the other way around.  I write these articles in my kitchen and my wife was making coffee and said to me that she always wanted to be a magician.   She wanted to perform that trick where I, as her loyal assistant, would get in a long box where she would then proceed to cut me in half.  I said “well, that sounds pretty dangerous.  I hope you know what you’re doing.”  To which my wife replied,

“Ah what’s the worst that could happen?”

********************

Here's my November article for the South Jersey Mag...

QUIRKS

Dr DonnAh, Thanksgiving.  Time for turkey, football, and family.  Particularly Family.  In many cases it’s the one time of the year where the whole peculiar bunch of us are together at the same time.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my family.  I’ve been married to the same woman now for almost thirty five years and I have two wonderful daughters.  But families never stop with just your spouse and kids.  Not by a long shot.

I use the word peculiar, because if you add up all the in-laws and boyfriends and girlfriends and children that were born to the first wife, etc., well, that would explain the existence of the dining room leaf and the fact that the folding chair that ordinarily is kept in the garage was invented because of Thanksgiving to begin with.

So the larger the dinner crowd gets, the more “quirks” of your family and friends become more apparent.  To compound this problem, the Thanksgiving Hallmark Movie of the Year or the dozens of “family” commercials that run during the holiday season always seem to paint the American family as the perfect, now outdated Norman Rockwell painting. 

And that’s just not the way it   So here’s a salute to the odd traits of my very own family and maybe you’ll be able to connect with a few of these.  Some of the names have been changed to prevent embarrassment and let’s face it, I don’t want to tick off my wife before dinner.  I want to make sure she saves enough hot buttery biscuits for me.

THE EARLY ARRIVERS.   Every family has the member who is always late and that most certainly is irritating.  But not enough has been written about the “always early” arriving couple like my Aunt Helen and Uncle Pat.  Pat and Helen are the couple that if you tell them dinner is 3pm, you can sure as heck expect that doorbell to ring no later than 215.  Without fail my wife will still be putting her makeup on which means I have to answer the door wearing nothing but a towel.  Which is not exactly a Justin Timberlake look for me these days.  Often it’s freezing out and I’m standing in the doorway with no shirt of socks on.  They always exclaim the same thing.  “We thought we’d get here early and see if you need any help.”  Which would be nice if my wife’s response from upstairs wasn’t always the same every November.  “Oh, that’s OK, I’ll be right down.  Make yourself at home.”  I, on the other hand, have to resist like hell not replying, “yeah, would you mind drying my back?” 

SEPARATE PLATES   My sister-in-law Rebecca likes a separate plate for everything she eats.  That’s right.  For everything.  Now you know how crowded the Thanksgiving table gets, so the positioning on this quirk can get a little complicated.  But at least over the years Rebecca has made it a bit easier on my wife by eating one dish at a time.  When she’s done with the cranberries, she pushes herself from the table, puts that plate in the dishwasher, and then sits back down at the table with a new plate for her stuffing or whatever’s next.  It’s one of these quirks no one even notices anymore.

bdg armen pink caddy smallFLIRTY GRANDPA   As much as the new girlfriend will be warned by whoever is bringing her, it still doesn’t prepare her for the onslaught of “Flirty Grandpa.”  It would be one thing if there were no “Grandma,” but there is.  And Grandma doesn’t appear to even notice that “Flirty Grandpa” always manages to sit down next to whatever woman is sporting the most cleavage as he endlessly reaches across her for peanuts, butter, a knife, absolutely anything on that table.  He’s been making the same inappropriate remarks for over twenty years.  In fact, there’s not a male relative of mine who hasn’t learned a move or two off Grandpa.  He’s the master.  One Thanksgiving he even tried to talk everyone into going to Cheerleaders on Rt 130! 

SLEEPY COUSIN CARL   Carl is an insomniac and we could be talking about the weather in Arizona and somehow Carl will bring up hat he can’t sleep without a TV and a fan on.  Holiday after holiday, year after year, Carl has to remind us of this boring fact when absolutely no one ever brings it up or cares.  We know, Carl, we know!

PATRICE IS ON A DIET     Did you know that for decades Oprah always had an on-call list of diet doctors to come on the show in case there was a last second cancellation?  That’s because any discussion of diets always got good ratings.  Believe me, I do not need this Oprah tidbit to know that this is true because Patrice has showed up at every Thanksgiving dinner on a diet.  Every single one of them and I don’t even think she’s overweight.  In fact, she’s very attractive (I think to myself).  But within a minute of Patrice chatting up her latest diet she’s surrounded by all the women in the kitchen and off they’ll run talking carbs,  fitbits, workouts and making sure you don’t eat before you go to bed.  Not this this bothers us dudes who want to watch uninterrupted football to begin with.  Rock on, Patrice, shed those pounds.

ANNOYING POLITICAL BOB     What’s the old adage?  “Never talk religion or politics at the dinner table?”  Apparently, no one ever informed opinionated Bob who just loves getting the table in an uproar over issues that I know he really doesn’t care about to begin with.  I wish I had recordings of Bob’s stupid opinions over the years because they change with the wind.

QUIET MARIE   She absolutely never talks.  One year she actually muttered “pass the salt” and we were stunned.  She’s been mum for so long that no one remembers whom she’s even related to.  Come to think of it, who is she related to?

BAD BREATH RICHARD     This is not a “quirk,” Richard.  When you smell like that stretch of 476 in Camden on a humid summer night, it’s just plain ol’ disgusting.  My daughter loves saying that one of these years when she’s setting the table she’s going to put a tube of toothpaste and toothbrush alongside his knife and fork.  Brush your teeth, why don’t you?!

Happy Thanksgiving South Jersey, enjoy your family!

 

********************

 

HEY! I'M LOOKING FOR ALBUM COVERS. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CONDITION OF THE VINYL...

 

NewYorkSkyline2

 

You can take an inexpensive tour  of RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL that's well worth it.

Check out MASH ARMY & NAVY on 8th Ave between 45 & 46th streets.  A blast from the past!

Folks are always asking me about piano bars in Manhattan.  There's two I would recommend and they couldn't be any bit different.  DON'T TELL MAMA is on 46th St between 8 & 9th Avenues.  It's a comfortable narrow long bar where you either sit at thee bar or at a table.  They have a singing piano player and every fourth song or so a member of the bar or serving staff will get up and sing a three song set.  And sometimes a member of the audience will get up at the mic and sing. And they have awesome food also. It's a really fun joint, but completely different from MARIE'S CRISIS CAFE which is at 59 Grove St in the Village.  (Make sure you have the address handy before you get in the cab.)  MARIE'S is a tiny hole in the wall basement club where there is a piano player but no professional singer.  YOU are the singer.  It's insane.  People (like my nutty wife) go there TO sing.  There's no microphone and literally 150 people or so will be singing at the top of their lungs to some Broadway tune  Which, by the way, IS ALL Marie's does.  They don't mix in pop tunes like MAMA does.  The two couldn't be any different from each other and any more fun if a piano bar is your bag.

A HOTEL TO STAY AT?   We always use some hotel site and often stay at one of these two hotels which I would both recommend.  THE BELVEDERE on West 48th St is clean with a nice lobby and it's very convenient to Broadway and many clubs and bars.  THE WARWICK is pricier, but still affordable when you go through Expedia.  It's at 54th & 6th and many famous folks (like the Beatles and Liz Taylor have stayed there.

IT'S ONLY A PLAY is hilarious with an amazing cast.

As obvious as this sounds, you can spend a couple hours exploring Central Park and never get bored.

Lincoln Center has a free SINATRA exhibit running till September 4th which has some pretty neat artifacts from his Hoboken days.

LEXINGTON CANDY SHOP on Lexington between 82 & 83rd St. has been opened since 1925 and is a don't miss trip.

THE METROPOLITAN ROOM on 22nd St is a very cool, classic NY cabaret room where we have seen many cool acts at a very affordable price.

BIG ONION WALKING TOURS are a lot of fun and reasonably priced.  I have taken many of them and they never disappoint.

54 BELOW on 54th St. is literally the basement of the famous Studio 54 disco. It's a terrific place to see anybody. Top notch club.

Finally made it to BIRDLAND for one of those CAST PARTY shows. What a great time and the sight lines are excellent.  Legendary jazz artists perform there and if you ever thought about seeing one of them at BIRDLAND, do it.

 

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Philly wins 56 to 45!
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